


something so flawed and free

by adiwriting



Series: Heartbeat [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Smut, mentions of mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29685699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: At their ten-year high school reunion, Michael and Alex fall back into each other, but with four years of distance and a heavy secret, can it ever be more?
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Heartbeat [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178315
Comments: 48
Kudos: 111





	something so flawed and free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ALovelyLitwit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALovelyLitwit/gifts).



> Brooke's birthday week of fics continues with a smutty installment for the actual big day! A huge shout out to L, Tove, and Hal for their help with the smutty parts. And as always, a big thanks to Christi who always puts up with my constant messaging her with plot ideas. 
> 
> We love you Brooke! Hope this helps make your big day bright! Michael and Alex are both incredibly messy in this, just the way they should be. 
> 
> -Title comes from Hoizer's Movement. 
> 
> *I couldn't figure out what to tag this. If I missed something please respectfully let me know!

Michael walks past several people playing cornhole that he vaguely recognizes from a math class he took senior year. Not that he remembers their names at all. Senior year had been a rough one for him and he’d been understandably self-involved at the time. They wave and smile at him and he gives them a wave but doesn’t stop. He has no interest in catching up with people. He doesn’t really care how any of his classmates are doing. Could care less what jobs they have or what they’ve been up to. He didn’t hang out with these people in high school and he doesn’t see himself hanging out with any of them now that he’s a single dad who devotes all his free time to building princess castles on Mars, making glitter slime, and reading bedtime stories about space travel. 

He’s here for Isobel. Because she’s putting on this event and he wants to support her. That’s it. No other reason. He’s not even all that interested in finding Max given that he’s decided to put all of their lives at risk, including Nova’s, by playing god and now is determined to tell Liz their secret. He’d seen Max earlier today and the only thing that had stopped him from using his powers to fling him into the sun was the presence of Nova. 

He looks down at his phone, making sure he hasn’t missed any messages from Sanders, who has taken Nova for the night. He’s always anxious when he leaves her with anyone else, but with Max saving Liz, he’s especially anxious. Not that he expects anything to happen tonight. Even if Liz did go to the police, it would take them some time to connect Michael back to Max and even longer to locate Nova at Sanders. And even if they managed that, Sanders is a force to be reckoned with. People regularly underestimate him because he’s old and half-blind, but Sanders has already lost his family to the government’s xenophobia once and he sure as hell won’t willingly let it happen again. So Michael knows that she’s good for the night. He knows it, and yet he keeps checking his phone. 

There aren’t any new messages and he’s sure there won’t be. Nova loves Grandpa Sanders and the feeling is mutual, no matter how Sanders might grumble and complain about babysitting. They are gonna be fine for the evening. Sanders had already promised to help Nova get the engine of her toy rocket working. 

Without any messages to distract him, he pockets his phone and looks around the room. Eyes seeking out brown hair even as he tells himself he’s just looking for Isobel. He spots his sister over by some tables and goes over to say hello. If he puts face time in now, he can hightail it out of here afterwards if this thing ends up being as stupid and lame as it’s already starting to feel. He’s told himself that he’ll stay an hour, just to see if Alex shows up. Anything longer will feel pathetic. 

“Place looks good,” he says, coming up behind her. 

She turns around, surprised to see him, before giving him an amused smile. “Why are you here? This is so not your scene. I thought you only went places with ball pits and bounce houses.” 

Michael rolls his eyes. “It’s called being a parent.” 

Isobel just shrugs, unimpressed but he knows that she gets it. Hell, she accompanies him often on his adventures with Nova. And she knows that he rarely feels comfortable going out and spending money for himself when he’s got a kid to take care of and it’s only through very careful budgeting that he keeps food on the table regularly. Still she enjoys harassing him about the need to get a social life regularly, way too concerned about his sex life for his liking. 

“Not that I don’t appreciate seeing you, but what are you doing here?” she asks. 

“This matters to you, so I’m here,” he says. 

She eyes him suspiciously. “That’s the only reason?” 

“You’re the one always telling me to get out of the house and do adult things,” he argues. 

“No, I tell you to go  _ do _ adults,” she says, wiggling her eyes suggestively. She looks around the room. “Is that what you’re doing? Searching for a good hook up?” 

“No,” he says firmly and the excited glint in her eyes says she’s about 2 seconds from trying to play matchmaker. 

“Wait… you’re not…” she leans in close and attempts to read him but he throws up all of his mental blocks so she can’t. But it doesn’t matter because she knows him too well to need powers to read him. “You’re hoping he shows up today.” 

“Who?” he asks, trying to play it cool. 

Isobel crosses her arms. “You know who.” 

He does, but  _ she _ doesn’t. He’s never once told Max or Isobel about Alex and he’s not about to now. Not when the world is potentially about to crumble all around them depending on how this thing with Liz goes down. 

“It’s been four years since we lived in the same city,” Michael says, refusing to indulge her. “Is it that hard to believe that I might want to spend an evening with you?” 

“It is when I usually have to drag you out of the house kicking and screaming,” she teases. 

“Look, we have to go about our normal lives. Be seen out and about. Maintain cover,” he says. 

Her mood instantly deflates. “Maintain cover?” 

“Look, Max trusts Liz, but if he’s wrong?” Michael pauses as he tries not to think about what could happen to them. What could happen to Nova. Just thinking about it has him raging. “You’re gonna have to do something.”

Isobel shakes her head. “No.”

She walks away and Michael has to take a steadying breath so stop from yelling at her. He’s always been happy to coddle her after everything that happened their senior year. But the world can’t revolve around Isobel and her needs anymore. They have to think about Nova. Protecting her has to be their main concern. She’s too young to be able to protect herself. 

He moves to stand next to her and she furiously whispers, “I don’t do that anymore. I don’t mess with people’s minds.” 

Michael grabs her wrist and gets her to stop moving and look at him. He tries to be as calm as possible when he says, “I would do it if I could, but I can’t. And right now, none of this is about us. It’s about Nova.” 

She looks at him and he can tell that she knows it’s the truth. 

“Start preparing yourself,” he says. “Because if Liz Ortecho turns on any of us, you will get inside her head and erase her memory and make her leave Roswell and leave Max. Just like you did 10 years ago.” 

Isobel crosses her arms and he can tell she doesn’t like it. 

“I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t for Nova Mae,” he says, truly sorry. 

“I know,” she says with a sigh and with that, he knows that she agrees with him. 

Any opportunity for further conversation on the topic drifts away as some people come up to say hi to Isobel and she gets swept up in the conversation. He ducks out without being seen. He pulls out his phone another time to be safe, but there are still no messages from Sanders. He breathes in deep and reminds himself that he doesn’t have to worry for the night. That he can try and let it go for one evening. 

Feeling tense, he walks over to the bar and orders a single beer. He figures if he’s got the night off from parenting duties, he can afford an indulgence or two. Once he’s got his beer, he goes to sit down on the couch, eyes scanning the room for no one in particular. They certainly don’t land on Alex Manes when he walks in and his heart doesn’t skip several beats. 

As nonchalantly as he can, he watches Alex move around the room, getting stopped by various classmates who want to talk to him. He wills Alex over this way, but short of using his telekinesis to force him over here, the most he can do is sit and hope that Alex will want to talk to him as much as he wants to talk to Alex. 

The whole thing makes him feel pathetic. Alex and he are over. Alex made that very clear the last time they were together. Not that Michael can necessarily blame him after the things Michael had said. He should be over it by now. His heart has had plenty of time to move on. But it’s difficult to move on from somebody whose memory is impossible to escape. He is reminded of Alex every day that he looks at his daughter and the hole in his heart that was created when Alex first walked away from him has never closed. If anything, it’s grown bigger with time and distance. 

Worse, is the knowledge that even if Alex wants him still, it can’t matter. It’s not like Michael can ever date Alex without telling him about Nova. And that’s something Michael can’t do… even if Max suddenly thinks it’s okay to tell Liz Ortecho. Alex works for the military. He’d like to think that Alex would never tell anyone their secret, especially if it puts his own daughter in danger, but what does he really know about Alex? The longer they are apart, the more Michael realizes that they never really knew that much about each other. Never talked all that much. How could he truly guess how Alex would react to aliens. He’s known plenty of kind, generous people who are secretly racist and homophobic. It’s possible that Alex could be xenophobic when faced with an honest to go alien with superpowers. 

It’s unfortunate. He wishes he had a crystal ball and could see how Alex would take the news. If for nothing else but so that Nova could have her father in her life. 

Not that Alex would want that. If Michael is sure of anything in his life, it’s that Alex would not react well to finding out that he knocked up the guy that he used to hook up with between leaves. He can just picture it. Him showing up at Alex’s doorstep, Nova in his arms, delivering the news. Alex went running for the hills when Michael suggested they date four and a half years ago. Asking Alex to be part of their insta-family? Yeah. Alex would take off. 

Wouldn’t he? 

He watches as Alex hugs Maria DeLuca and the two of them talk for a while. Despite the numerous reasons he’s convinced himself it’s pointless, his mind still wanders. He knows it’s normal for a single parent to daydream about having a partner. To wish that the other parent were part of the picture. The fact that Alex is the only person that Michael has ever loved only increases how often his mind drifts towards Alex. 

He knows they can never be together, so what does daydreaming really hurt anyone? 

He sits there for a solid forty-five minutes, occasionally making small talk with the people who come up to him to say hello and catch up. He answers the typical questions. Yes, he went to UNM, but not until recently. No, he isn’t married. Yes, he just moved back to town and is going to be teaching 7th grade science at RJH. Yes, sure, he misses the good old days of high school or whatever. They were “great!” None of it registers with him. None of the conversations matter all that much to him because they aren’t with people he cares about. 

There are a few that he enjoys, however. Kendall Garrison, the girl he took to sophomore homecoming, has a daughter Nova’s age who will be attending preschool with Nova in the fall. Michael made plans with her to meet up at the park on Sunday so that the girls can have a playdate. Nova hasn’t had a chance to meet any kids her age since moving into town and Michael knows it’s important that she’s able to socialize with other children. 

He gets to meet one of his co-workers in Blake Neemer, who Michael doesn’t remember sharing PE with for four years but is happy to talk about the school he’s going to be working at. Blake teaches 6th grade science and is able to tell him about the kids he’s going to be getting this year, which helps Michael know where to focus his attention as he looks to start his planning for the year. 

And finally, there’s Hannah Grey, who’d been his foster sister for about six months. They’d never been remotely close, but it’s still always nice to see a fellow foster kid free of the system and doing relatively alright. 

Still, the whole time, his eyes follow Alex and eventually, Alex ends up on his side of the room and they catch each other’s eyes. Michael watches him take a deep breath before coming over. 

“Hey,” he says, sounding like this conversation is the last one he wants to be having. 

It makes Michael a bit defensive and puts him on edge, even if his heart is pulling painfully and his body itches to touch. Clearly Alex still isn’t over the last fight they had. Part of Michael had hoped that the old saying ‘time heals all wounds’ would be true here. After all, it’s been four and a half years and Michael would hope that Alex would know that everything he’d said that night was simply out of fear and anger. He hadn’t meant it.

“Alex,” he says, standing up, setting his empty beer bottle on the table. “Back from Baghdad.” 

It’s not what he wants to say. He wants to ask if he’s back for good. If this return is just another temporary leave. If this time he’ll stay. But he knows he shouldn’t. 

“I thought you moved,” Alex says, his expression guarded and difficult to read, but Michael can detect the slightest hint of interest and he latches onto it. 

“You asking after me?” he asks, taking a step closer but Alex steps back and says, “hardly.” 

The words sting and Michael carefully schools his expression to keep from showing any emotion. Alex’s eyes travel to the dance floor and stay there. Michael follows his gaze, trying to figure out what’s captured his attention while his heart screams, ‘Look at me! Pay attention to me! Love me!’ All he can see is Isobel and several of her friends dancing together. 

“So you're just in town for the reunion?” Michael asks, aiming for casual but sure he’s failing. 

“I’m actually stationed here now,” he says, his eyes finally coming back to Michael. 

Michael hates how his heart jumps at that news. He reminds himself not to get his hopes up. There’s nothing telling him that this will be any different than any time before. In fact, Alex’s stoic expression tells him there is even less of a chance of things working out this time than ever. But his head and his heart don’t seem to be communicating right now. 

“Really? I thought they closed Walker permanently,” he says. 

“They’re building a new facility up near Foster Ranch,” Alex explains. 

Michael takes a step back and his stomach sinks. A new facility would be bad enough. Having the USAF in his backyard isn’t ideal, but he’d dealt with that in Albuquerque. But to build it on Foster Ranch? That’s his home. Or, as close as he’ll ever get to a home. He’s only just started bringing Nova out there to show her the stars and teach her what little he knows about their people from Sanders and his research. 

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?” he asks, frustrated but unable to exactly explain why the news bothers him so much. What is he supposed to do? Chain himself to a fence in protest? People would ask too many questions. 

Alex looks at him confused for a second. “What do you mean historical— Oh, because the UFO crashed here?” He laughs and it’s like being stabbed in the chest. Alex doesn’t realize the significance of Foster Ranch to him, but hearing him laugh about it still hurts all the same. “Yeah. We’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.” 

They are standing so close that it would be easy to reach out for more. He thinks his advances would be reciprocated too given the way Alex’s eyes have started darting towards his lips. But Alex steps away and Michael lets him. Still too stunned by the news about Foster Ranch to do much else. 

As Alex walks away from the conversation and over to the bar, Michael reminds himself that none of this is a good idea and he needs to let it go. 

****

Michael notices Alex slip away from the crowd and excuses himself from the conversation he’s having with some girl who’s drunk and Michael is 99% sure is just using him to make her husband jealous. It’s a conversation that he’s happy to escape if he’s being honest. He doesn’t miss that life. Old Michael would have leaned into it. Flirted the girl up just to see how far he could take it. To watch the husband get upset. See if he could goad somebody into a fight just so that he could have an outlet for all of the emotions that were too overwhelming. But he’s not like that anymore. His life changed when he had Nova and it’s been for the better. 

Maybe Alex just needs to see that… If he knew that Michael wasn’t wasting his life away anymore than maybe… 

It’s not a thought he’s proud of per se. He doesn’t want to be some desperate sucker trying to mold himself into whatever his lover needs him to be. And he’s  _ not _ . He didn't get his shit together for Alex. He did it for Nova and for himself. But if there’s even a 0.01% chance of things with Alex working out in his favor… Well, Michael can admit he might be just pathetic enough to try… 

He dodges groups of people who have gotten increasingly more inebriated as the night has gone on and slips down the hall that Alex disappeared down. It doesn’t take him long to find Alex. He always feels like the south end of a magnet and Alex, his true north. His body somehow knows where to go even when his brain does not. 

Alex is standing near the projection screen, the party on the other side of the curtain, but feeling a million miles away to Michael. His entire world has zeroed in on Alex and Alex alone. He’s bent over, adjusting his leg and though he knows he shouldn’t look, he can’t help it. He’d heard about what happened. It would have been impossible not to. The news had gutted him and he’d spent many nights after Nova went to bed crying about how easily they could have lost everything. How easily Alex could have died and Nova never would have had the chance to even meet her father. 

The sight of Alex’s prosthetic, as much as it saddens him, emboldens him. After spending so many nights thinking about how they nearly lost Alex and stressing over all the things he wishes he’d have said to Alex the last time he saw him, he doesn’t want to live with that regret. He throws caution to the wind and decides to go for it. The worst Alex can do is reject him and Michael’s pretty used to being rejected by this point. 

“Nostalgia's a bitch,” he says in relation to the picture of Alex that has flashed across the screen. He’s young. Younger than Michael ever remembers him being, so it’s gotta be freshman year. Michael didn’t meet Alex until sophomore year when they’d had English Lit together. 

Alex turns to look at him, standing up straight. For several moments, that’s all either of them do. Look. Then Alex says, “I didn’t think you were ever coming back here.” 

He takes a deep breath at the words, the fight that night rushing back in a painful wave. 

“Listen, Alex, about that…” 

“It doesn’t matter, Guerin,” Alex says, cutting off his apology. “I told you not to wait for me.” 

Michael doesn’t need Alex to remind him of what he said. He knows. Alex’s words are as seared into his memory as his own are. It doesn’t matter that Alex told him not to wait for him. Alex had never, in any of their years together, asked Michael to wait for him. But he didn’t have to. Michael always did. He waited because it’s what he wanted. 

Michael has always been painfully clear with what he wants. Open, vulnerable, and completely pathetic at times, but always clear. He’s wanted Alex. Whatever Alex was willing to give him. It’s Alex that struggles to express his desires, even now. 

“Is that what you really wanted?” Michael asks, moving closer. 

Alex takes a step back but it’s tentative. Unsure. He doesn’t really want to run away and Michael can work with that. His heart races as Alex’s eyes move up and down Michael’s body. The tension in the air is so thick, Michael can practically taste it. 

There are reasons to run away from this, but Michael can’t remember a single one of them. 

“What I wanted has never mattered,” Alex says, his eyes dropping to Michael’s lips. 

“It matters to me,” he says.

And then he can’t take it anymore. The tension is overpowering and he’s never been good at sitting back and letting Alex make the first move. He reaches out for Alex and just goes for it. All in. And when Alex doesn’t pull away from him, Michael steps into Alex’s body and opens his mouth to deepen the kiss. 

They have years of distance between them to have forgotten the steps to this dance, and yet they move together in perfect sync like it was yesterday. Alex’s hands make their way into his curls and tug on them desperately and Michael sure hopes that the moan he lets out can’t be heard over the music. Every sense of his is filled with Alex and he’s drunk on it. It’s like his body is waking up from a long sleep and he’s finally coming back to himself. For so long, he’s been nothing but dad and all of the responsibilities that entails. He’s forgotten what it feels like to take something purely for himself. But Alex is that. 

Alex is fire and recklessness and every sinful desire he’s ever had and Michael gives into all of it. He reaches out for Alex’s hips and pulls him closer, needing more… More lips. More touch. More tongue. More… Alex. 

He feels like he’s 17 again in the back of his pickup truck letting the love of a boy chase away all of his demons. Or 19 in a cheap hotel room off the interstate, drinking tequila off of each other and waxing poetically about the newfound freedoms of adulthood. Or 21 and excited for the repeal of DADT, still thinking that they can have a future together once Alex’s contact is over and burying all of his hopes and dreams in marathon sex sessions between deployments. 

He feels young again. Free from the responsibilities that force him to think logically and realistically. God, he just feels full and it makes him so fucking happy that he could cry. 

Alex pulls away to catch his breath and Michael refuses to open his eyes, terrified of losing this perfect moment. Michael’s hands find their way to either side of Alex’s face, caressing him with all the love he’s so rarely allowed to show. 

“We shouldn’t,” Alex tries to argue but Michael shakes his head knowing that it’s not Alex’s voice he’s hearing but his dad’s. 

“Fuck that,” Michael says. “Aren’t you sick of worrying about what we should do? I just want you.” 

And true, he could regret this in the morning, but he doesn’t see how. He’s already had his heart broken by Alex Manes enough to know that no matter what happens after tonight, he’ll find a way to survive it. But he knows, he  _ knows _ this is his future right here. This man in his arms is his family and doesn’t he owe it to himself, to Nova, to fight for this with everything he has? 

Alex nods, his grip on Michael’s hair tightening as he backs Michael up against a wall, kissing him senseless and continuing to move him where he wants him and Michael goes willingly. They end up stumbling into a small bathroom and Michael has just enough sense to reach out and click the lock into place as Alex’s hands find their way to his belt buckle. 

Michael’s hands move up Alex’s chest as Alex undoes his button then his zipper and Michael can’t help but notice the subtle changes in Alex. His shoulders are wider, his waistline firmer and it makes him a little self conscious about his own body and how it’s changed since Alex saw him last. He knows that he’s softer in places these days, has been ever since the pregnancy. And there are stretch marks on his stomach that most certainly weren’t there before and he’s nervous that Alex is going to notice and ask questions. 

Alex must sense something is wrong though cause he looks up at him with questioning eyes, his own nearly black with lust and it’s enough to snap Michael out of his self-doubt. Alex isn’t going to notice anything because Alex is too busy trying to touch and taste, hands moving over him frantically and never stopping in a single place for more than a quick moment. 

Alex pushes Michael’s jeans to the floor quickly followed by his underwear. He’s already hard. Michael nearly dies when Alex’s hand takes hold of his dick. Michael sees the self-satisfied smirk on Alex’s face when Michael moans and he wants to give him shit for it, but he can’t. His mind can’t form words when Alex’s hand is pumping him quickly with an almost painful rhythm. 

Michael reaches out for him, his hand gripping the back of his neck as he pulls him in for a bruising kiss. He’s trying to keep his cool but it’s all too much. Alex knows exactly how to touch him in exactly the right way to make him fall apart. There’s no learning curve here. Not when they’ve got years of experiencing between each other that no amount of distance is able to erase. 

He can feel himself about to fall over the ledge, but it’s too soon. It’s not enough. He needs Alex with him. If this is going to be the only moment they get together, he wants it to fucking count. Before he can get so caught up that he forgets, or get so desperate that he starts thinking another pregnancy wouldn’t be so bad if it meant getting to keep a piece of Alex with him after he leaves, he stops. He pulls his mouth away from Alex’s and manages to get out a breathy, “Wait… Wait…” 

Alex doesn’t let go of him but he does stop pumping him. Michael points down at his pants. “Pocket,” he says through heavy panting. 

Alex is confused but curious. He drops his hold on Michael to grab his jeans. He digs through the pockets until he pulls out a condom and a small package of lube. Alex snorts and Michael is too far gone to be embarrassed, but not fargone enough that he won’t insist on the condom. 

“Expecting to use these tonight?” Alex asks, eyes narrowed, sizing him up. Michael wonders if he’s going to ask why now. Why Michael is insisting on a condom now when he never has before, so he does his best to deflect the best way he knows how. 

He turns his back to Alex and bends over the sink, gripping either side for balance. “A boy scout is always prepared,” he says over his shoulder. He watches as Alex’s eyes fall to his ass and he practically growls. 

“You weren’t a boy scout, Guerin,” he says. 

“You sure? With the amount of camping we did together, I’m pretty sure we rubbed enough dicks together to make Eagle Scout,” Michael says with a smirk. He wiggles his ass back and forth for good measure, as if he doesn’t already have Alex’s undivided attention. 

“Fuck,” Alex says under his breath. 

And that’s exactly what they do. 

The crinkle of the wrapper is loud in the small space as Alex tears open the packet. Before Michael can prepare himself, Alex is there with the cold touch of lube and a sure touch, two fingers pressing inside without a trace of hesitance. His fingers are sure and steady and his body opens up to Alex readily. 

And it feels good. God it feels so good. The way Alex has always felt. Fingers brush steadily against his prostate making his nerves stand on end in the best way. He rocks back, knowing Alex will take it as a sign that he’s ready for the main thing. 

Alex chuckles, soft and beautiful and reminding him that his Alex is still in there. The boy who looked at him with soft eyes and an open heart and blushed so prettily anytime Michael would tell him he liked him. It does nothing to staunch the growing hope that this time, the universe will allow him to keep Alex forever. 

Alex’s fingers scissor him a bit, just to be absolutely sure and it’s too much. Michael could come right here from the touch alone, that’s how long it’s been, how desperate he is, but he doesn’t want to. He wants to do this with Alex. He needs to feel Alex inside of him. Wants that connection with him again. 

“Alex, please,” he says, a moan escaping him as Alex brushes more forcefully against his prostate. 

Alex doesn’t respond but leans forward to brush a kiss against his neck as he removes his fingers, wiping them on Michael’s hip. There’s another crinkle of a wrapper, making Michael look behind him to watch as Alex smoothly rolls the condom down his dick. He licks his lips as his mouth waters, remembering the weight of Alex’s dick against his tongue and the way Alex used to moan and pet his hair and call him good… He debates for a second about dropping to the floor and tasting that dick for himself, but he refrains. 

He longs to have Alex in him again and he isn’t going to do anything to distract from that goal. 

He doesn’t have to wait long. Alex meets his eyes and gives him a smile before he kisses him. It’s soft and perfect, filled with love. It’s the kind of kiss they haven’t shared in forever and it makes Michael feel cherished for a change. His heart swells at the care he’s showing. 

“Alex,” he says, his voice shaky, and it’s on the tip of his tongue to confess how much he’s missed him. How much he still loves him and needs him. But something in Michael’s tone snaps Alex out of it, because the next thing Michael knows, it’s back to bruising kisses and rough hands. Not that Michael doesn’t appreciate those too. There’s always a certain magic in Alex taking charge and showing him exactly what he wants from Michael, taking all of the guesswork out of things. But it’s an Alex that Michael’s come to learn means he’s here for the sex and doesn’t want to talk about his feelings. 

Alex moves away from the kiss, and places a hand to Michael’s back, pushing him down until he bends over further. A knee at his thigh forces his legs to spread wider. Then hands are gripping his hips firmly and Michael closes his eyes, determined to memorize the feel of the next moment so that he can pull it out on the nights when he’s lonely and horny. 

The push of his dick is exactly what Michael needs, and he can’t help the loud moan that escapes him. 

“They’ll hear us if you keep moaning that loudly,” Alex says, though there’s definitely a grin on his face by the tone of his voice. 

“Don’t care,” Michael says, pushing back against Alex’s dick, hungry for more and Michael feels a surge of pride at the way Alex moans in response. 

“Fuck,” Alex says through gritted teeth. 

He thinks about making a joke but the sharp jab of Alex’s dick on his prostate stops that, another loud moan escaping him instead. 

“Shhh,” Alex whispers. “I don’t want to get caught… I do miss hearing you though.” 

“If you have the ability to talk this much, clearly I’m doing something wrong here,” Michael says and he squeezes his ass until Alex practically falls against his back and curses loudly. It takes him a minute to stand back up, and this time, when his hands find Michael’s hips, his grip is tighter and more controlling. Just how Michael likes it. 

Alex pulls back only to push in with more force, Michael’s hips hitting the sink in a way that is sure to leave bruises. He doesn’t care. It’s all so good. Exactly how he likes it and Alex knows. Alex knows him in a way he’s never allowed anyone else. 

Michael has to grip the sink tighter as Alex’s moves turn shaper, faster, harder. It feel amazing, but Michael knows that he won’t last long. The entire thing feels too good, from the feel of Alex inside of him to the fact that it’s  _ Alex _ . The only human he’d ever considered staying on Earth for, the only one that made him feel loved and safe. The only only he’d happily have a hundred more babies with if only so he could regularly house a piece of Alex inside of him… to give birth to a physical manifestation of their love for each other. 

The only one he’s ever wanted to be completely honest with. 

He pushes all of those thoughts back into the deep recess of his brain and concentrates on how good Alex feels in this moment. All too aware that this moment might be all he gets. He focuses on how Alex’s little puffs of breath against his neck turn him on even more. How he hopes the hands on his hips leave marks so he’ll know this was real. The feelings build in his stomach, in his heart… He takes a sharp breath that quickly turns into a whine as good becomes better and Alex’s moves become more reckless and unguarded. Alex is close, which forces Michael right to the edge. 

“Alex!” 

“Do it,” Alex commands. “Come for me, Michael.” 

Alex pushes hard once again against his prostate and it does him him. The sharp pleasure hurls him over the edge, and he clenches down on Alex’s dick to keep him in there as he whines out his orgasm, spurting come all over the sink in front of him. He hears Alex’s breath stutter and he feels his dick pulsing. He’s coming as well, and Michael misses the mess of it all. He misses being able to feel Alex’s come filling him and leaking out of him, claiming him.

But even as comedrunk as he his, he can appreciate the need for the condom. No matter what his heart might say, his brain definitely knows that he’s not in a position to get pregnant again. 

Alex’s low moan is like heaven to Michael’s ears, a sign he’s done good. He straightens his back and Alex’s hands release his hips to snake around his front, pulling his back against Alex’s chest, clutching him tight. Michael drops his head back against Alex’s shoulder and links his fingers with Alex, pulling one of Alex’s hands up until it covers his heart, hoping the move conveys all the things his brain is too blissed out to say. 

And for several long moments, everything is perfect. They cling together like there isn’t any history of distance between them. It’s everything Michael wants and for the first time in a long time, Michael allows himself to dream without shame. His brain allows him to picture a future together without calling him an idiot or reminding him of all the reasons he’ll never get what he wants. 

Alex’s lips find their way to his shoulder and they leave several open mouth kisses there. It feels good. 

“Mmm… Missed this. Missed you,” Michael says. 

Alex drops his hands and steps away, moving to pull up his own pants. Without the weight of Alex to keep him upright, Michael has to lean against the sink. His legs are still weak. He grabs several paper towels and wets them, doing his best to clean himself off. He then splashes water on his face, but there is no hiding that he looks exactly how he feels, completely and thoroughly fucked. His lips are swollen and bruised. His hair is a tangled mess. And worst of all, he’s got a hickey forming on his neck that he’s secretly proud of even if he’s going to have to find a way to hide it from Nova. 

Alex moves to stand behind him and look in the mirror. 

Michael is willing to admit that his orgasm has made him soft. Soft enough that looking at both of their faces in the mirror feels oddly domestic. And he just wants. His heart wants and has never understood why he can’t have. But Alex’s eyes are soft from his own orgasm and his hand is caressing Michael’s shoulders like he’s something to be taken care of and Michael can see it. He can see an entire future for them laid out. The only thing standing in their way is his secret. 

The secret that Max already went and told Liz Ortecho. And if Max can tell his high school crush, shouldn’t Michael be allowed to tell the father of his child? Doesn’t Nova deserve to have two dads in her life? 

He’s most certainly love drunk and feeling a bit reckless from it when he says, “Alex, I have to tell you something.” 

Alex’s hand drops from his shoulder and instantly his guard goes up. His eyes harden and Michael can feel him slipping away. 

“This can’t happen again, Guerin,” he says. 

“What? No,” he says. He can fix this. He just has to tell him the truth. “I need you to listen. I need to tell you something.” 

“What? That you have a kid at home? That you’re with Isobel Evans?” he asks, his tone has a nasty bite. 

“Isobel?” The accusation is so out of left field that it takes a minute for his brain to catch up. “What? Gross. No. Where did you hear that?” 

Alex stands up a little taller and squares his shoulders, a surefire sign that he’s not about to hear a word that Michael is saying because he’s already made up his mind and accepted his version of the truth as reality. How do they always end up here in this same exact spot? Lust, fuck, fight, leave, the same cycle over and over for years. Why would four years have changed anything? 

“I saw you guys together at the grocery store,” he says, daring Michael to challenge him. 

Michael stands up straighter, “That’s not what you think—” he tries to defend himself. 

“What I think is that this was a mistake and it won’t happen again,” Alex says. And before Michael can say anything, Alex is out the door. 

Michael leans back against the sink and says several choice swear words, royally pissed off that Alex would make such wild assumptions about him and then just run off before giving Michael a chance to explain himself. He angrily pulls up his pants and redoes his belt, and after another minute, all of his anger is gone and all he’s left with is a gaping hole in his heart where Alex is supposed to be. 

It’s a misunderstanding. Perhaps a logical one? He doesn't know. If he saw Alex at a store with a kid and another adult, wouldn’t he jump to the same conclusion? Probably. And would he be patient enough to sit around and hear Alex talk about some adult he’s gone and started a family with as far as he knows? Fuck no. 

Fuck. 

Michael steps out of the bathroom, determined to find Alex and set the record straight. Refusing to let some stupid misunderstanding screw them up. But Alex has long since disappeared into the crowd, and even after looking for him a solid half-hour, Michael can’t find him. He’s gone. 

“Hey,” Max reaches out to grab his arm. “Everything okay?” 

Michael pulls his arm out of his grasp and glares at him. “Don’t touch me.” 

Max holds his hands up in surrender, but continues to look at him with those concerned eyes and Michael just can’t. It’s all too much for him. 

“This is all your fault,” he says angrily, storming off towards his truck. He has literally no desire to stay here any longer. He just wants to go home, cuddle up with Nova Mae, and remind himself that everything is fine. He already has everything he needs anyways. He was silly to hope for anything more. 


End file.
